Have you ever listened closely to what you say to others and to yourself? The words that you use may be more important than you think in achieving your goals or even just living a day-to-day life. If you’re one of those who want to have results but they seem to be slipping away from you, then pay attention. Here are the five words you must remove from your dictionary if you want to have results.
If you use the word “would” a lot in your language, then get this: stating it puts you in a state of hoping, wishing and dreaming about what you could possibly do or have. It’s a wished-for, hoped-for future, a pipe dream, nothing more and nothing less.
When you say, “I would like to have a black sports car and a new garage.” Notice the use of would causes a melancholic and dreamy feeling and state in you, but you take no responsibility for taking any action towards achieving what you want.
The word try is similar to would, but instead of making you melancholic, it makes you frustrated, irritated and sometimes even hopeless. When you say “try” that means you’re actually stuck and you’re not taking any action. It may seem to you that you do, but in reality you don’t.
There is no such thing as “trying”.
Have you ever tried to walk? What does it look like trying to walk? Well… You either walk or you don’t, right? In reality, you can’t try walking. If you’re sitting in a chair, you either get up or you may fall off it if you get up, but there’s no such thing as trying to walk.
Should is probably one of my least favourite words in the dictionary, because it creates a state of pressure, which leaves you frustrated, stressed, irritated, and even resigned. Just imagine saying, “I should clean all the windows in our house.” You know you already hate doing it – it’s a waste of your time but you need the windows to be clean.
You may also think what your neighbours are going to think of you if you don’t do it. See the pressure creeping in? When you get into this stage, the next step is usually avoidance, procrastination and resignation.
4. Must Or Have To
The word must is even more pressuring that should, because this thing you must do or must have cannot be avoided at any cost. Notice when I change the sentence I used in the previous example to, “I must clean all the windows in our house” – you know there’s no escape in realising this task. Sometimes with big goals the pressure may seem so enormous that the reality turns into “tough” or “hard”. The outcome is usually procrastination or complete resignation.
5. Want And Need
Want is my favourite of all of these words. In fact, I’ve recently noticed I’m using this word so much that it’s no wonder that I have no results in areas that I care about. Want causes a lot of frustration, because it cuts you off from the reality which you live and you dream about the reality that you want to live.
For example, when I say, “I really want that lipstick,” what I’m really saying is that I don’t have it now. More than that, only when I have it fills in the gap and it will make me happy. The problem with want is that I’m here and the goal is somewhere over there. Basically, it’s unachievable, it’s far away and my hands are too short to reach it.
So How Do I Get Results?
Notice The Impact
First notice when you use these words and how they impact you. You may also notice repeated patterns in your thoughts and emotions, but most importantly in your behaviour. What do you do when you make these statements? Notice that they leave you disempowered and not in action.
Then when you identify these statements, have a look. Do you really want to achieve this and if yes, are you willing to do something for it? What does it cost you to achieve these results? If that’s still worthy to you, now it’s the time to rework your statement. Instead of using the words would, try, should, must/have to and want/need, create a new declaration.
Declarations give you power and they produce results. However, you must state them in present perfect tense and they must be time-bound. For example, one of my current declarations is, “I have published my children’s book on 25 April 2017.” Notice the declaration has a specific result (book is published) and it happens by when (date).
Now, of course things don’t just happen. You’re the one who makes them happen, which means you need to create a step-by-step plan where you break down one big result or achievement into small bits. For example, publishing a book includes steps like having the book written, edited, proofread, illustrated and a cover designed – each step again consisting of a few more steps.
Once you know the steps, put them in your calendar. Take a look if your time estimate is realistic. Add a buffer of 30% of time should any possible breakdowns occur. It happens all the time that we plan things and life gets in the way – unexpected meetings or getting sick and anything in between.
Finally, when everything is in your calendar, it’s time to execute. This is where the magic happens – you woulda-coulda-shoulda becomes a reality.
Are you using any of these five words? What is you way of going from talking about a goal to having an achievement?